Why Am I Still Here?
by Nelia
Summary: Duo wonders why he's still here. ~ I really suck at this….
1. Prologue

Title: Why am I Still Here?  
  
Author: Nelia  
  
E-mail: karolien_de_paepe@hotmail.com  
  
Pairing: None  
  
Status: complete  
  
Beta: None  
  
Warning: Duo POV, death  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.yadda yadda. I'm just borrowing it all for entertainment. No money was made, nor do I wish to make any. Wouldn't say no of course, but hey. All characters belong to Gundam Wing except my original character  
  
Brief Summary: Duo wonders why he's still here. ~ I really suck at this..  
  
Author's Notes: Please note that I'm from Belgium so please keep in mind that English isn't my native language, so I apologise for any mistakes you find!!! 


	2. Why Am I Still Here?

Why am I Still here???  
  
The war ended a couple of weeks ago and everything seems to calm down. Everyone know what to do and not to do. Plans are made, families and friends reunited, saying goodbye to those lost in the wars and finally starting to life.  
  
Still I wonder why I'm still here.  
  
The guys and me decided to live together since we were the only ones who understood each other and most of us were at a loss at what to do. It was Quatre's idea really, he is the only one with real plans and a future, Heero, Trowa and me are all orphans with no real place to go, Wufei lost his change at a normal life during the war when his colony blew up trying to give him a life not knowing they were taking the biggest change way with that act. Quatre still has a family, a home and a business to go back to, he had money and the means to help us and that exactly what he did and that why we were all living together in one of his many houses on earth.  
  
We seem to be doing okay, the guys all decided to take it easy for awhile, come to terms with what happened those years and give Relena time to settle everything down so we could come out, start looking for jobs and start living. It seems to be working since the guys are starting to relax, start letting go of old pains, masks and restrains. They smile more and finally do stuff they really like. They also lost the there usual clothes, I did do, at least for now. It would be strange if I didn't, they would notice that at least, I don't want them to not yet at least. They also do stuff together they laugh and have a great time.  
  
I'm happy for them, I really am.  
  
Yet, I feel restless. If the guys notice, they aren't saying anything.  
  
It feels like I have to do something before finally letting go but I can't figure out what. I fulfilled my promise to avenge the deaths of my loved ones, stop war and find peace. I did all that and still I'm here!  
  
Why?  
  
I am not what I seem, but no one notices. Or they simply they don't want to see it or they did and don't want to deal with it.  
  
I wonder if they ever questioned me. I've been shot down, blown down by explosions and I've been beaten by friends and foes alike and I never had a mark to show for it. Sure, I was sore for awhile but did they never notice I never bled? I never needed stitches and I never had any bruises after all I've been trough. Doesn't that seem odd to any one? Did they ever notice I never slept? Only rested or pretended to?  
  
I guess they were too busy to notice.  
  
I decided to do research and find answers to my questions. I read books, reports and theories for hours, days and weeks. The guys noticed but never questioned me, thinking it was probably a way to keep me busy. Everyone did something to relax: Quatre played music, Trowa practised and sometimes joined Quatre, Heero ran a lot and tried to keep in shape, while Wufei practiced with his Katana, I guess they though I had my books. I wonder if they ever noticed I wrote things down and the amount of time I actually read books, they even look at the titles of the books?  
  
They all had the same theme!  
  
The day soon came I finally found my answer after weeks of research. I had to go a certain place and I'll finally be able to return to where I belong. I didn't want to leave without a goodbye so I went to say goodbye without actually saying goodbye, 'cause if they found out what I was going to do, they'd probably stop me and I don't think I could say no to them.  
  
But first I need flowers! I decided on my favourite: White roses, which is perfect since they mean Hope. The guys found it funny when I came home with them, trying to guess why I bought them, it ranged from girls and boys. I simply laughed and said they would find out soon enough. They kinda looked at me strange but eventually just nodded there heads accepting it.  
  
That afternoon, I decided to say goodbye to the guys one by one, I first found Quatre in his music room, we talked a little while and then we played a piece together: me playing the piano and Quatre the violin and when I stood to leave I have him a big hug and whispers 'Bye Quatre' very quietly so he won't be sure if I said it or not and left without looking back.  
  
Next was Trowa, he was in the lounge reading a book, we talked a little about the books and such and since he was sitting down I extended a hand and when he took it, I pulled him up and hugged him. I said 'Bye Trowa' in the same manner I did with Quatre and left without looking back, knowing very well he's was wearing a strange look.  
  
Next was Wufei who was swishing his sword around and I decided to join him for a match, in which I beat him which shocked the hell out of him, I hugged him when the match was over and whispered 'Bye Wufei' and left without looking back.  
  
Heero was bit more difficult to find but I found him out in the woods where he was exercising, I joined him while we talked a little and then we went back inside, I stopped him before we entered and gave him a hug and whispered 'Bye Heero' like I did with everyone else and left without looking back and went strait to my room.  
  
I know the other three saw me hugging Heero and I know they were going to talk about it, I knew simply because I saw the looks on their faces and I know now..  
  
They finally noticed, I am not what I appear. Though they don't know what I am yet. But I guess they'll know soon enough.  
  
I showered and got my priest outfit back on. I read my notes one more time. Picked up the roses and left the house as quietly as I could. I tried not to look back.  
  
I know during the time I was in my room they talked about my behaviour because I felt it. I left the note in plain site, so they wouldn't be kept in the dark, they deserved better. I'm just hoping they'll understand what it means.  
  
I got in my car and drove up. Noting that they weren't too far behind. When I reached my destination, I stepped out of the car and started searching for what I was looking for. After 15 minutes or so I found what I was looking for under a tree. I kneeled in front of it, put down the roses and closed my eyes and started speaking the words I would have to say to be released:  
  
" My promise of fulfilled, I avenged my loved ones, protected the innocent and helped stop the war twice. I did not know why I was still here after that but I finally found out I had to say goodbye to the only family I had left here: Heero Yuy, Trowa Barton, Quatre R. Winner and Wufei Chang. I wish you all long and healthy life. I wish you joy and happiness. Take care of each other, I wish you all the best."  
  
"Goodbye, my friends, my family, my life."  
  
I opened my eyes and saw everything start to blur. I leaned forward and kisses the object in front of me and I was finally free. I was back where I belonged. With my family, Solo, Sister Helen and Father Maxwell.  
  
Forever. 


	3. Epilogue

Epilogue: Quatre POV  
  
Me and the guys were worried, Duo was definatly not acting like himself anymore. He wasn't making any progress after the war, like something was stopping him of doing so. But Heero, Trowa and Wufei said he was trying to deal with everything that has happened lately and we decided to give him some space.  
  
We decided to let it go when he started to read often, we thought he finally started the healing, since we all found something that helped us do that, we thought Duo's way was reading. Though he read a lot and seemed to take notes we never mentioned it since he had a lot more to deal with in his life then any of us had, though some of us come close enough, so we thought he needed more time to distract himself.  
  
Then one day, he went out and bought some roses. We all though it was funny he would bought roses so we teased him a little, that he bought it for some lucky girl or boy. He laughed a little but said we'd find out soon enough and left. The way he said 'you'll find soon enough' brought frowns to our faces but dismissed it since we all knew we never lied and we'd indeed find out soon enough. We all went our separate way and did our stuff.  
  
I went to the music room, feeling like playing the violin for awhile. Some time later Duo showed up and we talked a little and then he proposed to play together with him on the piano. I was pleasantly surprised when he played so well and I enjoyed it immensely. About an hour later, he decided to leave and when I proposed we'd do it again sometime, he just hugged me really close. I don't know what it was but there was something strange about that hug, it seemed 'off' somehow.  
  
Final.  
  
And then I thought he whispered 'Bye Quatre' in my ear and was about to dismiss it but when he left without looking back and my spaceheart told me I was right , I became worried. I vowed to talk to the guys later that day.  
  
Some hours later, I decided to talk to Trowa about what happened. And he told me Duo sat and talked with him for awhile and then pulled him up and hugged him and whispered 'Bye Trowa' before leaving, then Wufei walked in claiming Duo beat him in a swordfight, hugged him as well and also got a whispered 'Bye Wufei'. We started talking about it since we were all worried now, when we heard Heero and Duo coming back, we looked trough the window in a way we could see them but they couldn't see us. Duo was hugging Heero as well and we saw him whisper something in Heero's ear before coming inside and going upstairs without looking back. Heero just stood there looking after Duo with a look of shock on his face that made it clear that Duo also whispered a 'Bye Heero' to him. We asked him about it and he confirmed our suspicions. We talked while Duo was taking a shower about what it could mean. We decided to follow him and see what he was up to.  
  
We hid when he left his room, dressed in his old priest outfit and holding the flowers, what threw us of the most was his smile. It seemed different somehow. Releaved. We entered his room and saw a paper on his bed. Heero read it out loud, it was confusing but we had some idea's now and when Duo left with his car we followed him with ours.  
  
He stopped at a cemetery off al places and entered it. He was looking for a particular grave it seemed 'cause he stopped when he found it. We could see it from were we were standing, it was standing under a tree and had a white headstone and when the sun shined on it, it seemed simply made for an angel. He dropped in front of it and lay his flowers down, closed his eyes and started talking. We moved closer so we could hear what he was saying.  
  
" My promise has been fulfilled, I avenged my loved ones, protected the innocent and helped stop the war twice. I did not know why I was still here after that but I finally found out I had to say goodbye to the only family I had left here: Heero Yuy, Trowa Barton, Quatre R. Winner and Wufei Chang. I wish you all long and healthy life. I wish you joy and happiness. Take care of each other, I wish you all the best."  
  
"Goodbye, my friends, my family, my life." He kissed the headstone.  
  
And then something strange started to happen. He seemed to slowly fade away until he vanished. I'll always remember the smile he wore on that right moment. I guess it was that smile that made us stay where we were.  
  
When Duo vanished we came closer and read the headstone, it read:  
  
Here Lies:  
  
Duo Maxwell  
  
War orphan  
  
Born: ac. 180 Died: ac. 194  
  
'I Run, I Hide But I Never Lie'  
  
We couldn't believe our eyes, Duo died a year before operation Meteor started and yet we worked with him during two wars and we never noticed. It all made some sense now and we understood the note now. He had some unfinished business in this plain: a promise to fullfill and having to let us go by saying goodbye to us before he could finally rest in peace.  
  
We stood there for awhile letting it sink in when he saw a new text appear on the headstone.  
  
The Promise had been fulfilled.  
  
We will meet again.  
  
Strangely enough we weren't all that sad, we had a lot to thank him for and we'll never forget him. Heero ripped the note with a smile and threw it in the air letting the wind pick it up before kissing the headstone and thanking him, we all followed his example before leaving to go back home.  
  
We will meet again Duo.  
  
Thank you for everything.  
  
*************************************  
  
The note read:  
  
When people die, the ghost can sometimes come back and roam our plain without anyone noticing anything different about that person. They look and act like regular people. They can be touched by the living, though when hurt by any means available on earth, they shall not be harmed in any way since there mortal body has left this plain. The ghost shall at the most feel sore but other then that feels nothing.  
  
Said Person exist only in our plain because he or she has some unfinished business from his previous life on that plain.  
  
The ghost must figure out for himself what his or hers unfinished business was an try to finish it by any means necessary.  
  
When this is done, said person has to find the place where his mortal body has been put to rest and say out loud that their business is finished. If the person does not find or know where his mortal body was put to rest, he or she simply has to find the place where they felt most at peace and do the same thing.  
  
When this is done, Shinigami will take them back to where you belong, whether it's heaven or hell.  
  
And there shall you remain for all time.  
  
************************************  
  
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